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Cherish the Bones by Joyce Kinmont, from A Call to Closeness, LDS Home Educators Assn. Newsletter, issue #10 We have all been tried, tested, and proven in the pre-existence, and we are assigned the Earthly experience we earned and needed. We become on Earth a mixture of heredity, environment, what we were before--first as raw intelligences and then as spirit children--and the consequences of the choices we make here. The heredity we cannot control, but the environment we can. As parents, we are a major part of our children's environment. That's why we have such a responsibility to become Christlike. And if we are good teachers we can help our children see the consequences of their choices. If we are well-behaved we will not push them into rebellion and poor choices. It seems safe to assume that we who have been selected to raise last-days children will be sent the strongest and best spirits and that they will come prepared to fulfill their assigned missions. If we try to make them over into someone else's idea of what they should be, we will only frustrate the work of God. If we focus on the divinity that is in them, we don't have to feel responsible to beat them into submission or to put all moral judgment, conscience, standards, etc. into their floppy, empty bodies. They came with all that, and they are happier when they are being good; we just need to nurture that goodness by our own example and by gentle teachings. That means less lecturing, less condemnation, less manipulation, and more faith and confidence. LEARNING TO THINK "Children don't know how to reason," said one commentator who was suggesting that a course in reasoning be included in the elementary grades. But human beings do reason. If today's children don't, it's because they have been "dummied down" in endless hours of classroom seatwork. All we need to do is avoid most classrooms and nurture the inherent thinking power each child comes with. Like the bones in a chicken, it is there already. We don't put it in; we just feed it! SURVIVING IN THE REAL WORLD "I made my child pay room and board so he'd know what the real world is like." Statements like this come from an assumption that our young people cannot learn to cope with the realities of life if we allow things to be too easy for them, so we have to create opposition just for the experience. I submit that there is already plenty of opposition in the world and that we and our children ought to stand together against what's out there. I suggest that we draw an imaginary line between ourselves and the world and "feel" whether we and our children are on the same side. Most are not. We have been told that a forgotten lunch should elicit the reply, "That's too bad, dear, what are you going to do about it?" What really happens to our relationships when we treat each other with such indifference? True, we don't want to rescue our children from bad behavior, but a forgotten lunch is seldom that. Why add to the stress? Why not just take the lunch to the school and do so cheerfully? How can we teach service if we don't serve? The family's job is to stand together, helping it's members cope with forgotten lunches, financial pressures, or broken hearts. We must be careful how we help. Our children are capable of solving their problems with support and encouragement; we must not take over with force or manipulation and we must not assume that we know everything. Our children have sources of power on which to draw, and hopefully we are one of those sources. It is very possible that we do know best, that we do see more clearly than they do, that we could save them from all mistakes, but not simply by virtue of the fact that we are adults! By revelation, yes; by wisdom, yes; by experience, yes--but not simply because we are older. REBELLION Do chickens have backbones? Our children do, and they should be encouraged to stand tall against unrighteous dominion. In fact, I love the rebellious students. I have even been found encouraging them. President Benson has more than once reminded us that we fought a war in Heaven over the issue of whether men would be free or whether we must be coerced into good behavior. We should remember that we, and our children, fought, and fought valiantly, for the cause of freedom. President Benson cautions us not to change our votes once we get here. Many adults have changed their votes, but our youth have more recently come here and their hearts remember. Deep in their souls they understand the doctrine. They yearn for freedom. Faced with the coercive nature of "almost all men," they fight back, but not understanding what they are feeling, and being young, they usually rebel in unwise ways. When one of my daughter's high school friends couldn't bear another day of being talked down to in a particular class and decided to cut, she went with him. After a close call with a truant officer, they were feeling pretty guilty. I showed them a "don't change your vote" statement from President Benson so they would understand that while they chose a very poor action, their resentment against captivity was a proper, natural feeling. CHERISH THE BONES If we are going to teach our children the really important lessons of eternity, let's teach them to love learning, to study the things they need to know for their earthly mission, to stretch themselves and move out of their comfort zones. Let's teach them that they are children of a God who respects freedom and that is why they feel rebellious when they are faced with oppression. Let's teach them that there are wise and unwise ways to "rebel," and that sometimes an even higher value might be to fall in line for the good of the group or out of respect for a leader. Let's teach them that they come here pure and well equipped and have within them the seeds of greatness and Godliness. No, we do not live on boneless children ranches. Our children are among the best the Heavens have. Let's treat them with respect, using gentle hands to keep them on the right path. Let's recognize the good and the intelligence that is already in them, and make sure we are heading down the path of refinement and growth, with love and acceptance that will draw them with us. Let's cherish those most precious, eternal, sacred, Godly bones. Latter-day Saints should be reminded how and why they voted as they did in heaven. If some have decided to change their vote they should repent -- throw their support on the side of freedom. (c) 2003 2004 2005 2006 2007 2009 LDS-HEA, Joyce Kinmont, 2475 South 1150 West, Syracuse UT 84075, 801-776-3555
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